One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Still dying that you shit outside
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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