dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
