Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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