So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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