Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
