We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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