I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
