i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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