Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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