Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
