i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
