Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
