how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
