weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
