just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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