Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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