He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
