Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
