So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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