you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
