i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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