i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish you could order shots online.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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