Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
