the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
