Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
