Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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