i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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