that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
