I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
