It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
