Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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