hotel room ftw
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
