How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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