he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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