Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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