I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
