Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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