god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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