Don't you send me to vm
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
