she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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