Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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