Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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