No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
