My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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