he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
