allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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