i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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