Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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