god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm passing your future prison.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
