all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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