I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
