HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
