i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
please come you make the beer taste better
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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