i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
