i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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