I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
