He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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