yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Barsexuality is the new black.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
