You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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