Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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