I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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