I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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