I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
