Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
