I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
