Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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