ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You ruined the universe
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
