dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
