as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
