we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My balls are so social today.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
