Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize