my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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