I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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