just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
