it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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