I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
