I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no, he came in my armpit
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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