i permit you to call me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
