I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
