can u get pink eye on your cock?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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