I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
