we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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