bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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