He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
